no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
