I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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