plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
