your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
