I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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