There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
