UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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