shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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