Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
