hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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