That's when you crack a 10am beer
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
