it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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