How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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