I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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