her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
