I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
