I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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