so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
