You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
