i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
