i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
