I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
