Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
