New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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