its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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