Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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