I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
