a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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