The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
