I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
