Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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