I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
