I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
