Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
