The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
