I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
