he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
