So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is the high leading the old right now
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
