im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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