I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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