why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
