you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
