I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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