On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
