he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
