i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
