just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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