Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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