I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
