I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love you.
Bad choice
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