God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
