we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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